Oasis Haven
an oasis.. a haven

BWPS 6/1, 2001 BBQ&Chalet

By Anonymous

(very dry post of what happened at the BWPS bbq&chalet)

Washed the car at noon and didn’t wax it yet, thinking it would rain. Sis helped mom with the mee fen and after a dota game to burn time, I went downstairs to wax the car and brought down my sling bag and tripod first. Upon finish waxing, the sky darkened and I went back upstairs to take the mee fen, almond and canned longan. Carefully navigating my way towards Pasir Ris, I went to top up petrol first at Tampines Ave 1’s Caltex before continuing towards Downtown East. I reached at 5.10, there were a lot of lots available in the open air parking and I was 50 cents short of $4 for full-day parking.

Deng Kai and Gilvin came to help me take stuff and I waited at the main entrance after dropping the stuff off. Nobody was there and I was afraid my instructions of “main entrance at downtown east” weren’t clear enough. After a while, Charis, Xin Ying and Chuan Li came (after several calls about where to go) and we went in.

Gary, Jie Fang, Johnathan, Jasmin and Serene were busy with the fire. Deng Kai, Gilvin, Jasper, Kenneth and Daryl were slacking around and helped out now and then. After a short while, I went out to meet Shi Min and Mdm Pang. Further into the night, Joel, Lionel and Yen Lin arrived. Total of 19 people including me!

Hmm we chatted around and ate, updating each other about what we have been doing. Then they got bored and started playing “monkey”. Kenneth was hit in the specs and he bled a little at the spec’s rest area.

Johnathan and Jasmin decided to play ‘zong ji mi ma’ to clear the food and the person who ‘kenna’ the number would have to eat. There were a tray of mee fen, sushi (brought by Mdm Pang), some satay and otah to clear.

I had my first taste of wasabi, though I chewed a little only and kept my tongue away. Felt nauseous for a while in the chest before it finally went away, thanks Jasper for some mint sweets.

Went upstairs and talked a little with Xin Ying, Charis and Jasper. Xin Ying gave me a nicely wrapped present, which she later revealed to be chocolate from overseas.

Went back downstairs and talked with Gary and Kenneth. Lionel exclaimed that he did so badly for exams in poly that he had to repeat a year, thanks to dota.

Obtained Melvin’s number from Deng Kai, had lost his contact since graduation. I asked around and found out that Gary saw Xue Mei and Shin Rong often and asked him to help me ask them for their numbers. With this, my contact list will be complete (excluding the three Malay girls who never hung around us).

Nearing 11, Shi Min wanted to leave and I decided that I would leave to and drive her home. Gary, Daryl, Charis and Gilvin tagged along. The whole drive was smooth, except for the part where a driver left the bus stop he was at, went into the lane to my left, cut across my lane and then into the filter lane on the right before turning right.

Fortunately I breaked in time and sounded my horn, otherwise I’d have collided with him. It was something like a Honda Stream or Toyota Wish, with provisional license.

Although it was not my fault at all, I apologised to my passengers for the scare. Damn that driver..

Reached home at about 11.45, slacked around for 45 mins before going downstairs to move the car to take my dad’s car lot (he was going out for work). After a shower and more apologises through sms to the passengers earlier, here I am writing this post.. and finishing it.

1 Comment
 


I finally understand.

By Anonymous
Oh the irony, I used to think that no one would group with the slackers cuz they're, well, slackers. In the end, I'm the one left without a group while they have, cuz.. they have friends. Jason and Clem won't split from Uma, Lian Wei and Zai, although the former know that they'll do most of the work. Joshua and Ameen don't mind working with Zi Jian and Michelle, although they rarely talk, and they choose Andrew over me, cuz they're always joking around.

Why? Cuz:
I'm serious most of the time? 
I'm no fun being around cuz I don't or can't joke? 
I'm not 'cool' by being punctual and quiet in class?
I don't hang around after class and waste time but instead walk off quickly to the MRT to get home?

---

After much more thought, I understand myself a lot more.

Due to the fact that I've grown up with little interaction with family and friends, I've become in need of attention. And attention is something everyone needs.

In the process of sub-consciously trying to get attention by saying or doing some things, I might have instead hurt or offended people, unknowingly. And the result of this is that it might have caused me to lose friends or make wrong impressions.

I could call up a few people from last night's pri sch BBQ & chalet and they would probably be able to name an instance where I seemed rude.

---

If this is the price:
For saying thanks for being able to wake up every morning and having lived another day.
For saying thanks whenever I have something to eat, especially to the animals which once lived.
For not killing insects and blowing them slightly to chase them away instead.
For mentally saying 'take care' to old or handicapped people when I see them.
For wanting to greet the cleaners in school.
For appreciating the fact that we have foreigners to handle jobs us Singaporeans would not want to handle.
For rarely sitting in the MRT cuz other people need it more.
For picking up insects I have accidentally killed and leaving them on the flower pot outside my house to let them decompose and return to Mother nature.

Then I still won't trade who I am to become like most people - unappreciative, self-centered etc.

If I have to remain ostracised to be who I am, then so be it, although it will hurt.

Now I know and understand why I'm so different, why I don't get along with most people.

This, is the solution I have given to myself regarding my interpersonal issues.

I'm not sorry I'm a better human than you are.

---

If you thought I was showing off or trying to steal the show by making calls to inform everyone about chalet details, worrying about whether people could find their way, asking my mom to cook mee fen, bringing dessert, driving to the chalet, bringing a tripod to take photos, offering to drive people home and actually driving them home, screw you.

I did it with pure intentions. 
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How strong is your resolve to fulfill new year resolutions?

By Anonymous
How did I spend Christmas yesterday? Dota-ed the whole afternoon and blogged while listening to Kavin Hoo at night.

How have I spent Boxing Day? Dota-ed the whole early noon. Spent the rest of noon calling up almost everyone to inform them about details of the bbq & chalet this Sun. In the evening, watched a few episodes of Gundam Seed and then watched TV at night.

Boring isn't it?

I realise, I can be rather emotionless most of the time. There're a lot more things to frown about than smile about in the world. Minimising the range to my life instead, I can't say I'm in a good state either.

As usual, I know I gotta and wanna do some things but I haven't gotten around to doing them. 

Is this what happens when one's conversations with his family have been reduced to "have you eaten?", "are you going out today?", "there's dessert", "when are your exams?" etc... for years? 
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Blessing or curse?

By Anonymous
listening to: Kavin Hoo - A Moment In Time

Christmas Eve, some send out Christmas greetings through phone calls, sms or msn before or after midnight. I only received two sms, from an unexpected pri sch classmate and my maple mei. Not that I was expecting any at all, cuz after all I haven't kept in contact with people I know.

Come to think of it, there's never been a sec sch gathering since graduation. Either there haven't been any at all or I was never invited. 

I've always wondered about why I'm not like most people. About why my interpersonal relationships are so bad at the moment. About why I *never* receive friendly calls or sms to chat except from two people. Probably cuz I myself have never put in much effort to maintain them except for a few.

I guess after growing up alone without much interaction with family has this kinda effect. This is the best reason and explanation I have now. 

There is this feeling of wanting to have active friends, to be called up or smsed for friendly chats regularly, to be able to go out with friends almost everyday. The feeling of wanting to be like how most people are, of being normal.

I realise I've been very helpful regarding the pri sch chalet this Sun. I've asked my sis to make almond dessert, offered to call everyone up once the organiser tells me the chalet number and update my contacts in the process, offered to drive them to buy stuff if they want, gonna bring the chocolate I received from my mom's friend today when she came to visit to share with everyone, and gonna bring tripod, camera and speakers

Consciously I want the chalet to be very successful, although I'm not part of the organisers. Sub-consciously I guess I want some attention from my pri sch friends.

She said the way I try to portray myself may not necessarily be the way others see me. What am I doing wrong? What.. is wrong?
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It's a mental war.

By Anonymous
Watched Bolt with she-who-shall-not-be-named. It was an entertaining movie where puns worked out fantastically. 

*after 3 mins* I wanted to write about the issues with my dad and the Dong Fong but I blanked out.

At least I've taken the first step to further accepting the vehicle, by getting Exclusive Motors' number from my dad and informing him that I'll call them up and send it for servicing. Cuz I know he'll never get around to doing it..
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I'm bad at communication skills.

By Anonymous
When my elder sis and mom got home from praying at Bugis and shopping at Phoon Huat, the latter commented that my dad's face was 'black'. I simply can't understand why he reacts this way every time she goes out. What the f* is wrong with you? It's not like she's gonna have an affair.

Thanks dad, for nothing. You've continuously made my mom upset. You bought a vehicle for me which was an obvious bad choice, and I will have to pay for it when you stop working. In addition, the thought of the possibility that his smoking habit, which he has never been able to quit with the excuse that it's too hard after smoking for so many years, could have caused my heart condition.. makes me never want to talk to him again. Why the f* do dads smoke when their family are around?

My elder sis was packing the baking stuff she bought and I thought, 'great more stuff to put into the kitchen'. Her room itself is a mess, thanks to her baking hobby the kitchen is a mess now too. I don't wanna talk about how she has never bothered to lose weight.

Fine, enough of finding fault with them. Let's find fault with myself. Let's see..

All these late nights since the holiday started have caused panda eyes and my face condition to deteriorate a little. It's a mental war,  there's something which stops me from sleeping early and I can't seem to stop it. I know it sounds unreasonable, but it's like I wanna destroy myself bit by bit.

I used to help my mom with housework when I was young, nowadays even when she wants to ask me something about her hp, which wouldn't take a few minutes, she asks whether I'm free. How have I ended up deterring my own mom from asking me for help?

I used to play RuneScape everyday from sec 2 to 4. It was only in poly that I realised that it was my way of escaping from reality. Until now I still don't communicate with my family at all, I've grown up and solved my problems by myself, I don't need them now.

Yes, I might regret it when they're almost gone or gone (touch wood), but I really can't be bothered. I don't know how to explain why I feel this way either.

I just don't wanna end up having this communication problem when I have my own family, if I do.
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I guess I'm just bad at interpersonal stuff.

By Anonymous
Me, Yao Quan, Jia Wei and Donald were best friends in sec 3 and 4, we always played MagicTheGathering together and had no lack of subject to talk about. 3 years after graduating and we've barely talked. There's msn, sms and phone, but I guess the egoistic side of me never bothered to initiate conversations with them just cuz they never did.
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I'm angry at myself.

By Anonymous
For procrastinating physical training until now, and thus not in adequate condition for napfa yet.

For lazying around the whole day until now, and thus have little time left to study.

For being angry at my dad and 2nd sis. 
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