I finally understand.
Oh the irony, I used to think that no one would group with the slackers cuz they're, well, slackers. In the end, I'm the one left without a group while they have, cuz.. they have friends. Jason and Clem won't split from Uma, Lian Wei and Zai, although the former know that they'll do most of the work. Joshua and Ameen don't mind working with Zi Jian and Michelle, although they rarely talk, and they choose Andrew over me, cuz they're always joking around.
Why? Cuz:
I'm serious most of the time?
I'm no fun being around cuz I don't or can't joke?
I'm not 'cool' by being punctual and quiet in class?
I don't hang around after class and waste time but instead walk off quickly to the MRT to get home?
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After much more thought, I understand myself a lot more.
Due to the fact that I've grown up with little interaction with family and friends, I've become in need of attention. And attention is something everyone needs.
In the process of sub-consciously trying to get attention by saying or doing some things, I might have instead hurt or offended people, unknowingly. And the result of this is that it might have caused me to lose friends or make wrong impressions.
I could call up a few people from last night's pri sch BBQ & chalet and they would probably be able to name an instance where I seemed rude.
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If this is the price:
For saying thanks for being able to wake up every morning and having lived another day.
For saying thanks whenever I have something to eat, especially to the animals which once lived.
For not killing insects and blowing them slightly to chase them away instead.
For mentally saying 'take care' to old or handicapped people when I see them.
For wanting to greet the cleaners in school.
For appreciating the fact that we have foreigners to handle jobs us Singaporeans would not want to handle.
For rarely sitting in the MRT cuz other people need it more.
For picking up insects I have accidentally killed and leaving them on the flower pot outside my house to let them decompose and return to Mother nature.
Then I still won't trade who I am to become like most people - unappreciative, self-centered etc.
If I have to remain ostracised to be who I am, then so be it, although it will hurt.
Now I know and understand why I'm so different, why I don't get along with most people.
This, is the solution I have given to myself regarding my interpersonal issues.
I'm not sorry I'm a better human than you are.
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If you thought I was showing off or trying to steal the show by making calls to inform everyone about chalet details, worrying about whether people could find their way, asking my mom to cook mee fen, bringing dessert, driving to the chalet, bringing a tripod to take photos, offering to drive people home and actually driving them home, screw you.
I did it with pure intentions.
