listening to: Kavin Hoo - A Moment In Time

Christmas Eve, some send out Christmas greetings through phone calls, sms or msn before or after midnight. I only received two sms, from an unexpected pri sch classmate and my maple mei. Not that I was expecting any at all, cuz after all I haven't kept in contact with people I know.

Come to think of it, there's never been a sec sch gathering since graduation. Either there haven't been any at all or I was never invited. 

I guess after growing up alone without much interaction with family has this kinda effect. This is the best reason and explanation I have now. 

There is this feeling of wanting to have active friends, to be called up or smsed for friendly chats regularly, to be able to go out with friends almost everyday. The feeling of wanting to be like how most people are, of being normal.

I realise I've been very helpful regarding the pri sch chalet this Sun. I've asked my sis to make almond dessert, offered to call everyone up once the organiser tells me the chalet number and update my contacts in the process, offered to drive them to buy stuff if they want, gonna bring the chocolate I received from my mom's friend today when she came to visit to share with everyone, and gonna bring tripod, camera and speakers

Consciously I want the chalet to be very successful, although I'm not part of the organisers. Sub-consciously I guess I want some attention from my pri sch friends.

She said the way I try to portray myself may not necessarily be the way others see me. What am I doing wrong? What.. is wrong?