Listening to: The Veronicas, Untouched

Genre: Electro pop

Prologue: 2 May 2008's post. I came up with this phrase earlier, "now I know why it hurt so much". From the moment I started learning how to drive I anticipated that I would either have nothing to drive until I get one myself or my dad would buy a second-hand/new low-end car. I least expected that he would choose this dong fong. Other people would say that I should be happy I have something to drive as long as it gets me from point A to B. I keep telling myself to accept it.. but the truth is I can never forgive my dad for the decision he made. It was selfish, stubborn and inconsiderate, like he has always been and still is.

Recently I have been having more issues with my heart. I've never written about my condition before cuz the last thing I want is sympathy or attention, but at this moment in time I don't really care. Last Fri at work I inhaled more smoke than usual as I was serving the smoking area often and had difficulty breathing after that. I excused myself from doing service by going to wash the glasses. It only got better near evening after the meal break but as I was walking back up I felt that my heartbeat was extremely fast. Then I counted my heartbeats per minute a few times and it was 90-100 beats per minute even after I sat down. And last night as soon as I lied down my lower chest felt strained. I sat up for a few minutes before it went away and headed to sleep.

I've brought forward my medical appointment with National Heart Centre to mid Nov, but I have to book the NS check-up in mid Oct and then poly's NAPFA is in Nov.. shall decide what to do again after this week's 5 consecutive days of work.

Prologue: 1 Aug 2008's post. I don't care what reasons my parents had when they chose to distance themselves from ALL relatives, cuz like I said, now I don't even know how many cousins I have, least to say who they or the rest are. Last time I was talking to Liang Yong (the dessert chef) about how we don't know how to appreciate things until they're gone, relating that statement to my situation with my family. In fact the conversations I have with them nowadays  only include whether them asking whether I've eaten and whether I'm working the next day. It has gotten to the extent whereby they don't ask me how was work cuz I can't be bothered telling them about it anyway and would just give a short reply.

Ironic, the same stress I'm going through now could cause my condition to deteriorate.