I wanted to write this some time ago, but didn't cause I didn't want my sis to read it. I don't care now, I need an outlet for my frustration and loneliness.

I feel really lonely cause I don't ever talk to my family about what's going on in my life. It's always the same thing - "had dinner yet?", "done your homework?", "revising?" etc.. True, I told them about my joining Patrician Idol, but they don't know what's really hidden inside me.

If I get emotional enough about it, I could break into tears right now, I did several times before after all..

If I was granted one single wish, I would wish for a girlfriend. I need someone whom I can pour out my feelings and emotions to, someone who, I can have a heartfelt talk with, someone who will love me and allow me to love.

My family? What they shower on me is only concern, not love, not to me. I would never be able to open up to my family, the doors were never opened in the first place, get what I mean?

I saw Behind These Hazel Eyes by Kelly Clarkson on MTV, and totally fell in love with the song. Searched the net for more songs by her and got 8 of them.

At first I had no intention of joining Patrician Idol, but last Sat night while listening to Behind These Hazel Eyes again before going to sleep, I suddenly thought about it. Popped online to see whether a classmate of mine, a guitarist, was on and he was. However, he told me he wanted to play with his other friends on Mon.. I asked another two classmates of mine, but they declined too cause they're participating together.

Almost wanted to give up on Mon night but after some encouraging words from my primary school classmate, I decided to go for it if I could find a guitarist. It came to me that another classmate of mine could play the guitar so I asked him. We practised at the hostel where he lived which was just across the road for a while after school. He was still hesitant about it and told me he'll give me an answer by 7pm.

While waiting, I couldn't get myself to do anything. Wasted the rest of the day away just like that and I got really impatient cause he still wasn't on at about 7.20pm, it was killing me. Then he finally got on and said yes. However, I asked him for an honest opinion of whether I would be able to make it and he said no. He added that it doesn't matter, as long as I try my best..

He gave me some tips and asked me to sing along to the song. I gave it a try and I think it's much better now.

Well.. the trials tomorrow are cancelled and will be held next Tues. We'll be practising tomorrow though.. =O

Although I could only make out a faint image of you from the distance, for some reason, I knew you were the one I had been waiting for all this while, the one whom I had dreamt of just the night before, the one whom I would spend the rest of my life with..

I did not know whether I should make a move, for I did not know whether you would befriend me. What I did know was that, I had to take the initiative, else I would lose you.. forever.

Having overcomed hesitation and gathered courage, I approached you slowly. The way you held yourself while speaking to your peers, it was surprisely mature and refined.. Realising the close distance that was now between the two of us, I continued on, wanting to hear your delicate voice for the first time..

Sensing my presence, several eyes turned towards me. As you slowly turned, I could almost swear that I saw a halo around you..

Your soft gaze mesmerised me,
your dainty beauty stunned me,
your immaculate, affable face entranced me,
your long, velvety hair trapped me,
your elegant demeanor enticed me,
most important of all, your warm, gentle smile made me fall in love with you..

^^^ Something I came up with yesterday during class, suddenly had the inspiration.. =)

Graduating class programme (GCP) has started.. that means I'll only get home at about 6.30pm everyday except for Monday and by the time I finish showering and eating dinner, it'll be 7pm.. I opted out of Biology and E Maths, but because the teachers will be going through the syllabus instead of revising, I end up having to go for them.. =
Preliminary exams in 7 weeks, I should've started in June, that's for sure. Well it isn't too late to start now, better late than never. I'm gonna try and abstain from RuneScape totally on weekdays and PK for 2-3 hours each weekend.

However, I've been spending some time reading articles on MagicTheGathering and even build a blue deck which has been insuccessful. Came up with another two decklists, white and black, both contain no rare or expensive cards so I'm gonna try and build them. MTG's a good de-stresser in my opinion.. I mustn't spend too much time on it though.

Shouldn't have even went for the homecoming dinner, there was other photographers around and I could have easily came up with an excuse to absent myself. I got better things to do at home..

I left at 10pm, it was supposed to end at 11. A lady came up to me at the bus stop and asked me what time the dinner would end, then she said she was waiting for her son. She had two little girls with her, who probably were her daughters. I could have pretended that nothing had happened and boarded a bus, but I didn't. I sat down for a minute before I decided to do something about it. I called my friend who was still at the dinner and he made an announcement. She got a phone call 10 seconds later. After learning that her son wanted to stay, she boarded the same bus as me.

I'm really proud of myself for helping her out.. =)

Had a headache earlier, popped two panadols and then went to sleep for 2.5 hours. Good thing it's gone, else it'd be a migraine. I hate migraines!!

Only used the laptop at 9pm, was studying a little from 8-9. Good start to my "retreat" from playing. =)

There we go all over again. Our A Maths Teacher was in class already, but the other pupils who had gone to other classes for mother tongue were not back yet, so I remained sitting down and Donald told me not to "act cool". What the hell is his problem? I had two pages of Heredity, Biology remaining to highlight so I wanted to finish it. I could have replied that he had been trying to "act" too for swinging his bottle as if it was his tennis racket, or for using gel on his hair since school reopened when he didn't previously, but I didn't. Sigh.. -.-